Z101: Introductory Course in the Undead – Week 3 – Identifying the Undead

Welcome to Week 3 of Z101!

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I know you want to get to guns and crowbars and bashing in undead skulls, but before we get there it is vitally important that you can actually identify someone as a zombie. Many traits are shared by living people and zombies, especially living people with certain conditions from old age, to blindness or intoxication. Incorrectly assuming someone is a zombie could land you in prison for murder. Incorrectly assuming a zombie is a regular person could land you among the ranks of the undead, so identification is definitely the first thing we have to be able to do.

Let’s look at three main aspects through which we can identify the undead:

1. Activity
2. Appearance
3. Response

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1. Activity:

Activity based zombie identification is a method for identifying zombies by which the subject’s actions and interaction with surroundings are monitored for zombie-like behaviors.

Activity based identification is the safest method because it allows you to monitor the subject from a significant distance and without drawing attention to yourself.

How it’s done:

• From a distance of 80 to 100 yards hide yourself where you can see the subject(s) but cannot be seen. This distance allows you to be close enough to monitor activity yet remain undetected by sight or smell.
• DO NOT MANIPULATE THE SUBJECT’S ENVIRONMENT – your goal is to witness the natural activity of the subject(s), not to change the environment and risk exposure.
• Watch the subject(s), the longer you monitor the more accurate your assessment will be. It is possible for a living person to run into a wall, but a zombie will do so repeatedly. The longer you watch the more likely it will be that you can distinguish between unusual human behavior and typical zombie behavior.
• Some behaviors to watch for:
  • Eating living animals or people.
  • Running into things, especially repeatedly.
  • Lack of response to pain. i.e. running into sharp objects, lacking limbs, etc.
  • Moaning
  • Shambling, shuffling, or other uncoordinated movement
• Group specific behaviors:
  • Ignoring other members of subject group
  • Lack of concern for the death or injury of others in subject group
  • Lack of communication between members of subject group
• Non-zombie activities:
  • Talking
  • Climbing
  • Texting
  • Jumping
  • Shooting a gun
  • Using tools (even simple tools like a hammer or door handle)
  • Eating normal food items

Common misidentifications with the activity method:

• Employees filing into factories or office buildings
• People at fairs or sporting events
• Drunks

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2. Appearance:

Appearance based zombie identification is a method for identifying zombies by which the subject’s appearance is monitored for zombie-like attributes.

Appearance based identification is the most trustworthy method because it allows you to monitor the subject up close and identify attributes that indicate the most significant probability that the subject either is or is not a zombie.

How it’s done:

• Stand no more than a distance of 10 to 20 feet from subject. This distance allows you to be close enough to note appearance attributes yet remain far enough away to respond to an attack.
• DO NOT ATTACK OR HARM THE SUBJECT – your goal is to note the appearance attributes of the subject(s). Witnessing their reaction to pain should be reserved as a last resort in case the subject is indeed NOT a zombie. Also this brings you to a closer proximity with the subject which draws unnecessary danger.
• Take quick note of the attributes of the subject’s appearance. This should be done quickly and while maintaining an awareness of your surroundings, but should be done thoroughly enough not to confuse certain zombie attributes with normal degenerated attributes of the living.
• Some attributes that typically distinguish the living from the undead:

 

Likely Indications – The surest way to know if a subject is a zombie is if they are living when they should be dead.  The following are likely indicators of this scenario:

• Gaping wounds – typically will be oozing black fluid or be dry and crusted over and untreated.
• Missing Limbs – like gaping wounds these will be untreated and oozing or dry and crusted.
• Damage to vital organs – Gunshot wound in the chest, knife through the lungs, missing lower half of body, neck out of place indicating a break. These are all injuries that would kill an uninfected person.

 

Possible Indications – These are all characteristics typical of zombies, but could also be shared by living humans, the more of these the higher the likelihood of infection:

• Eyes – no pupils, a fog or film covering, bloody or blood shot, or some other variation form the norm, coupled with a wandering or unfocused appearance where it is clear the subject cannot focus their vision.
• Limbs – serious lack of coordination. Limbs hang loosely. Arms typically reaching for victim and legs typically shambling or shuffling, an uncoordinated walk similar to that of a living person having too much alcohol
• Mouth – agape in anticipation of consuming victims flesh.
• Hair – disheveled and unclean
• Clothes – torn, unclean, and soiled with bodily fluids.
• Skin – tight, dry and leathery

 

Common misidentifications with the appearance method:

• Old People
• Blind People
• Dirty People
• Drunks

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3. Response:

Response based zombie identification is a method for identifying zombies by which the subject’s response to your actions is monitored for zombie-like characteristics.

Response based identification is the most dangerous method of identification and should only be carried out after one of the prior two methods has been employed.

Your action and the subject’s response:

You: Yell when the subject is not paying attention.

• Not a zombie: If it responds with sensible language
• May be a zombie: If it responds with a moan
• Likely a zombie: If it does not verbally respond at all but turns toward you with arms raised and mouth agape.

 

You: Make a move like you will hit the subject

• Not A zombie: If it flinches away
• Likely a zombie: if it does not even acknowledge your action

You: knock the subject over

• Not a zombie: if it says “dude, what the hell was that for?”
• May be a zombie: does not respond
• Likely a zombie: if it simply gets up and continues to come after you.

 

(The following should only be done as a LAST test)

You: shoot the subject in the chest

• Not a zombie: if it dies
• May be a zombie: if it moans and groans but hasn’t died yet
• Likely a zombie: if it simply gets up and continues to come after you.

 

Common misidentifications with the response method:

• Tough guys
• Deaf People
• Drunks